How to handle family Christmas

Santa, the made up fat ugly piece of shit guy that’s never given anyone any presents. Off subject, but does anyone ever think about how fucked up it is that we were mislead for at least 7 years. We’ll always have Christmas but in 100 years when Santa is no longer a thing, people are going to want answers as to why we embellished a fake super hero that had deer fly him around.

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THIS:

Christmas gets shittier and weirder every year. As you get older the Christmas family parties just get bad. Your mom quits making ham because cousin Sarah is a fucking vegan. Brother Darrel had a kid and this piece of shit baby steals the show without even being able to talk. Uncle Rick still gets hammered but slowed down because aunt Betty threatened to break up with him (Bitch Betty am I right?). Cousin Sean hit puberty last year and is bustin loads in every bathroom he can. So yeah Christmas is dying with every year.

TIPS TO STAY ALIVE DURING THE FAMILY PARTY:

  • Drink more.
  • Bring a fake girlfriend. If you’re reading this you probably don’t have one so pay a fake one. It’s worth it. They do all the talking for you so you can just sit back and drink more.
  • If you’re a smoker of anything then do it before (Obvious).
  • If you changed your job, got a bad grade, got in trouble, any big change in the life then leave it at the door. Moms will spread that shit like wild fire. Its like breaking up with your girlfriend. Its always better over text.
  • Stick to the couch. Watch the sports. Don’t arise any conflicting topics.

 

 

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